Friday, February 19, 2010

Changes…that’s just the way it is (things will never be the same)

First things first. I’m sure you’ve noticed the new color scheme and header and I know some of you are anxious for the new works I’ve promised and yes, I will deliver, but please allow me to take the time and say a few things that have been on my mind since December 28, 2009.

James Owen Sullivan (drummer of Avenged Sevenfold) known also as The Reverend Tholomew Plague (or simply, The Rev) passed away on that fateful day, leaving behind hundreds upon hundreds of friends, family and fans in mourning.

Now, since this tragic day occurred, I have had my fair share of crying spells, screaming fits and all other tantrums associated with the loss of someone you love, but the one thing that has managed to stick with me is the guilt of not being able to do anything for the other members of Avenged Sevenfold to ease their pain.

As a fan who finds comfort in their music when I am feeling depressed or angry, I wonder who is there to make them feel comfortable in the painful aftermath of his death. While I have never met any of the band members personally, through their music and DVD collection, numerous interviews and LoveLine appearances, I feel as though they have become a part of my family and my heart aches for them.

In addition to learning to live with this grief and guilt, I have also been trying to keep my cool with the rumors and ignorance being spread across the internet. Some of the most annoying questions and comments and speculations have me either fighting back tears or resisting the urge to punch someone out for being inconsiderate.

I am tired of hearing people ask if it was a drug overdose and that there is no way someone who is only 28 years old (he would’ve turned 29 February 9th) can die of natural causes.

I’m tired of the insensitive assholes who say things like “They’ll just have to replace him” and “What are you crying for? It’s not like you knew him”.

But most of all, I’m absolutely fucking fed up with the way people brush my feelings about this off like it’s nothing. Maybe to you, it’s nothing, but to me, as a fan and a person with a heart, it’s like losing a best friend. Of course, I will never know the extent of the pain the guys must be feeling now, but I can imagine that it is much worse than my own.

I feel as though my heart is broken and it’s going to be a very, VERY long time before it’s healed.

So I have decided that every last piece of work I create from now on, be it a poem or short story or book etc., will be dedicated to his memory. Jimmy has become my muse and my Guardian. I never met him, but I can feel him watching over me, and as odd as it sounds, I am grateful for waking up with the sensation that he’s still here because he was not ready to leave and I believe that he left a little piece of himself with each and every person who adored him.

I even went out and got a tattoo on Jan. 16th as a memorial to him. The concept of it came from hash-threads made by Zacky Vengeance (@Vengenz1) and Tal Cooperman (@DCMA_Collective) that read #foREVer & #TheRevLives4ever, as well as a lyric from 'A Little Piece of Heaven’ (We’ll live forever, live forever). My tattoo, as you can see in the picture, reads ‘Live FoREVer’ with the ‘REV’ in the middle of the stitched on heart and ‘1981 – 2009’ underneath it. It symbolizes having a ‘Rev shaped hole’ in my heart and that he’ll always live forever with me, the guys, his family, friends and the rest of us A7X fans. It’s also a reminder to be more like him, more carefree and loving and silly and to just do whatever I feel like doing. Obviously, as long as it isn’t anything too reckless.

Some people have questioned why I even bothered to have the ink done and for those who truly care, I explain that I felt the need to do it because I love him and want to carry him with me forever. As a fan, it’s the least I can do to make sure people remember who Jimmy was, is and will always be.

So, my dear Jimmy, may you rest in peace, love. Hopefully I will be lucky enough to see you on the other side when my time comes. Thank you for the laughs, the inspiration, the comfort and the undying love you had for us fans. The world certainly is a much sadder place without you.

All my love and prayers go out to you and yours.

I LOVE YOU, JIMMY! I will say it at least once everyday for the rest of my life.

XoXoXo

Dayna A. Entrekin – Ravanelli (a.k.a Cali B. Diamond)  #TheRevLives4ever

 

                  jimmy4ever-simple

James Owen Sullivan

(The Reverend Tholomew Plague)

February 09, 1981 – December 28, 2009

I would also like to reach out to any Avenged Sevenfold fans who are having a tough time dealing with this. You are not alone and if you need someone to talk to, please do not hesitate to message me on FaceBook. (http://www.facebook.com/gonzoXrockstar) All of my messages are sent to my cell phone and I will answer them as soon as I can.

C.B.D

The Rev Lives

FOREVER!

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