Dear Me,
What has happened to you over the last week? You've turned into someone I don't even recognize anymore. The thoughts and feelings that you let control you when you were a teenager are back in full effect and I fear that we may be losing the strength we've built up from the pieces you were shattered into.
I know things aren't the best right now, and I understand that you're hurting, but honestly, the thoughts of slicing yourself open to feel better are just that. Thoughts. We've been over this a million times and I know you know that this isn't healthy. The pain can only numb so much before it becomes pain again and causes you to restart the process all over again.
You're letting your mind wander into a place it shouldn't be and I'm trying like hell to hold you back. I feel like I'm losing. This battle has been long and hard and we've both emerged with scars, physical, emotional and mental.
Things will perk up. I promise they will. You just need to find that place inside of you that knows you will make it. You have to reach for it and grasp it with a firm hand and hold on for dear life because I fear that if I let you continue to behave this way and think this way, you will bury yourself deeper in this pit of pain and despair.
Put the past behind you, dear, take these thoughts and feelings and turn them into something good. I know you can do it because I AM you and I know you better than you know yourself.
Something was lost. Many something's were lost. But with something that is lost, comes something that is gained. Think of the things you have now and be thankful for them. Hold on to them. If they choose to fade away, keep reaching for new things and people and places.
You are better than this. I love you. Please, do not turn on yourself. Do not turn on me. I'm counting on you because I need you.
Love you with everything in this heart we share,
You<3
