This is a blog post that I came across while sifting through one of my thousands of LiveJournal accounts. I don't know why I felt like sharing, here it is. This is my first (and only) experience with a funeral.
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July 27, 2007
Well, this was my first ever funeral that I've actually gone to and what can I say except... wow.
It was the most disturbing, scary, mind numbing thing I have ever witnessed.
I knew the moment we stepped into the Funeral Home this morning, I was going to have a hard time.
It started when my mom (who was in front of me) asked: "Why is it Open Casket?"
Of course, like someone who has just been told there is a grizzly accident coming up on his way home from work, I looked and damn near threw up.
There she was.
Dead.
Lying in the coffin like she was just sleeping.
Hell, I half expected her to wink at everyone in the room like a child playing a game.
No.
No, she just laid there, dead. Not moving. Nothing.
I couldn't handle it.
I took two steps into the room designated for family and made sure to find a seat where I would not have ANY sort of view of the coffin.
I sat there and started having a mild panic attack and actually left the chapel thing with my aunt, who managed to talk me into going back in, even though I knew very well I wouldn't be able to handle it.
But I kept my eyes on my feet and sat back down and just stared at the wall.
I don't remember a lot of what was said about her, I just remember staring blankly at the wall, thinking about a fan fic I want to start writing.
Well, some time passed and I noticed my mom was getting up.
I thought she was heading outside for a cigarette and followed her.
No.
No, she went straight for the damn casket and like an idiot, I followed her.
The moment I took my momma's hand, I damn near broke it.
Just looking at Grandma Jean made my heart race and my chest hurt.
I made it a point to bury my face in Mom's shoulder so she would get the hint and let her take me outside.
I tell you, I have never cried so hard in my life.
It's all so surreal.
I mean, I keep thinking that it's a dream and I'll wake up eventually, but I also know better than that and you can't wake up when you weren't sleeping in the first place.
So yeah, I'm completely numb from head to toe and I have been since we left.
What I wouldn't give to be able to feel something.
But I have nothing to use and I would get in trouble with several ppl and I'm in no mood to be bitched at.
Anyway, there's my traumatic tale.
Hope it doesn't freak you guys out.
Just be happy you weren't there....
♥
Cali
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FoREVer yours,
Cali B. Diamond-Plague
